Tolerance - Short Story

St. Creutzfeldt-Jacob Elementary School – Richmond VA

Please come in Mr. Kleinman, was heard from the speaker. Mr. Kleinman waited merrily in the waiting room in front of the principle’s office. He stepped inside. “Good day mam, You wanted to see me?” “Yes Mr. Kleinman, like you know we were wary of letting you be around children with your sexual preferences and all, but with the new laws it is impossible for us to fire you because you are gay.” “For real? You not going to fire me tomorrow for being gay or something?” “It’s for real Mr. Kleinman, with the new equality laws you could sue us for millions of dollars if we fired you for being gay.” “How much, did you say?” “Well there was this case in Winsconsin were a man was awarded five million dollars.” “I see, thank you. I will be going then. Thank you mam.” Mr. Kleinman walked out of the office and shut the door behind him. “Holy cow, I have got to find a way to get fired for being gay!”

School had commenced and the children looked forward to assignments on the book they had just read, Harry Potter and the sorcerer’s stone. They sat themselves down in the classroom and waited for their teacher Mr. Kleinman. Which happened to walk in that very second. “Hello there children.” “Hello Mr. Kleinman” they all replied. “Stand please.” He replied. The children stood up "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all." And sat themselves down again.

“Well, like you should all be aware of by now we are reading J.K. Rowling’s first Harry Potter book and now we’re going to discuss what you’ve read in class.” Said Mr. Kleinman. “Well tell me Natalie what did you think of the story.” Natalie answered in a shy manner; “I thought it was very intersting and I enjoyed it.” Mr. Kleinman eyeballed her. “Did you find any sexual referances?” Natalie blushed and and hesitently answered; “I… I… …Have no idea what you are talking about.” Mr. Kleinman took up Harry Potter and the sorcerer’s stone from his table and opened it. “This book is filled with sexual referances. You see, the word “wand” is interchangeable with the word wang.” He scanned the pages and found what he was looking for. He read; “Get - off - me! Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.” And “He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.” No to mention “Yes, Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?” [Deafening silence] Mr. Kleinman grinned “I have found, definitive proof, J.K Rowling is a dirty dirty woman, making a fool of us all! But of course I can’t expect your little minds to figure it out by themselves, you need to have experienced the wang of a true man to appreciate it.” The bell rang right that moment, “class dismissed.”

The four boys exited the class room in haste. They thought they were rid of their fourth grade teacher Mr. Kleinman but he was back and more insane then ever before. Jacob, Kyle, Andrew and Jeremia waited for Jacob’s father to pick them up from school since they lived on the same street. When he arrived they entered his car and sat quietly down. “How was school today.” “Horrible we got our fourth grade teacher Mr. Kleinman back.” “Oh he can’t be that bad…” Jacob hesitantly replied “But he is gay…” Jacob’s father stepped on the break and the boys were almost tossed out the front window. “What! I thought I had thought you better Jacob!” “But he is really, really gay.” Jacob replied. “I didn’t raise my son up to be a intolerant homophobe!” Jacob sighed, his father got even madder “Don’t sigh at me boy.” “Sorry sir.”

The next day when the boys came to school they had decided to consult with their history teacher Ms. Cheung. They trusted Ms. Cheung she was always nice to them and ready to help. “Ms. Cheung, could you help us?” “Ah, hi there boys! How awe ya?” The boys sighed “Not too good, we are intolerant.” “Aw-ite, thought I taught you children better.” “Yeah we know we don’t want to be gay bashers, please help us. We are going to refuse to attend Mr. Kleinman’s classes.” “Children, didn’t I tell you about my brother who… …wait a minute what did Mr. Kleinman do exactly?” “He explained the sexual references in Harry Potter.” Ms. Cheung gasped “That’s the last straw…” The boys were frightened of Ms. Cheung for the first time. “What can we do?” they asked. “Don’t worry boys, I will handle this. This cockamamie teacher has got too be stopped. You have nothing to worry about. I will bring this weisenheimer down. You know I skeeve him!” The boys looked confused. Ms. Cheung laughed, “I’m so soho!”

Later that day both Ms. Cheung and Mr. Kleinman were summoned to the principle’s office. They stepped in and greeted. “Good day mam.” “Good day Mr. Kleinman, Good day Ms. Cheung.” Mr. Klienman though to himself: Now I will be fired for sure! The principle continued: “It has been drawn to my attention that several of your students have refused to attend your class Mr. Kleinman and Ms. Cheung complained about your behavior.” Mr. Klienman though to himself: Yankee slut… …five millions here I come! The principle continued: “I believe she used the words “Demented Queer” to describe your behaviour.” Mr. Kleinman replied: “oh, I can’t control who I am, I guess I just have got to go!” Ms. Cheung thought to herself: What? At least they will finally lay this incompetent yahoo off. “I have decided to send Ms. Cheung to a tolerance semester.” Both Ms. Cheung and Mr. Kleinman were rendered speechless. “She is obviously intolerant of your life choices, Mr. Kleinman! You are dismissed Ms. Cheung.” Ms. Cheung walked out and shut the door, as soon as she was out she poured out a steady stream of Cantonese profanities. Meanwhile in the office the Principle invited Mr. Kleinman to speak at the evenings “emergency” PTA meeting, which he accepted. Later he stepped out of the office, quoted saying with a heavy German accent: “Excellent…”

The following evening there was held an emergency PTA meeting due to the fact that several students had refused to attend Mr. Kleinman’s classes. Jacob’s parents dragged him between themselves towards entrance, and scolded him. “You should be ashamed of yourself, we thought we had taught you better!” Once inside they sat themselves down with Jacob between themselves. The principle introduced Mr. Kleinman as the lead speaker. He appeared on the stage with a Thai ladyboy under his arm. The crowd cheered. “He is so courageous!”

Mr. Kleinman tapped on the microphone. “For those that don’t know me I’m the fifth grade teacher Mr. Kleinman. And this is my butt-buddy.” The crowed gasped. “He is so courageous!” Mr. Kleinman continued “Well I was going to write a speech but I felt more like gobbling on my partner’s balls.” The crowd gasped “He is so courageous!” Mr. Kleinman seemed disrupted, and started scratching his behind. “Ah sorry, I shouldn’t have stuffed all those poor animals up my ass.” The crowd gasped. “He is so courageous!” “He is so open about his sexuality.” Jacob’s father was speechless, he thought to himself: “Is this what the boys were complaining about?” Before he could stand up, Ms. Cheung was already up and furious. “That man is deranged! that man, there, that man is a slime! he is a *slime*! If he's supposed to teach, then something really wrong is goin' on here!” The principle infuriated by Ms. Cheung’s outburst, shouted: “Ms. Cheung you are out of order!” Ms. Cheung was seething with anger and threw a tandrum. “You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole meeting is out of order! They're out of order! That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, should not be allowed to teach! It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Let's be tolerant"! "Let's be tolerant "! Hey Frank, you wanna - "be tolerant"? We’ve got an insane teacher who likes to reveal his fantasies to children...”

Before Ms. Cheung could continue Mr. Kleinman shouted in the microphone: “Jesus tapdancing christ! This sort of behaviour should not be tolerated in the classroom!” the principle seemed confused and replied: “But we must be tolerant.” Mr. Kleinman sighed “Being tolerant of something doesn’t mean you have to like it, you tolerate a crying baby on a plane. If it was about my “life choices” it would be called acceptance!” The principle looked pensively on both Mr. Kleinman and Ms. Cheung.

“Intolerant anonymous is a way for you to realize the causes of your intolerance for other people’s life choices. I’m here to help you mend your attitudes into more wholesome ones.” Ms. Cheung entered the room and sat in an empty chair. Ms. Cheung found herself sitting in a circle with her head down and it was her turn. “Hello my name is Philly Cheung and I’m homophopic.” The circle continued and she thought to herself: “What a bunch of halfwits, now I have to go through this Mickey Mouse semister. And Jesus h Christ if this hippie Ayatollah of a therapist is so full of mush”. Suddenly she was suprised to hear a familiar voice. “Good day, my name is Chauncey Kleinman and I’m intolerant towards my own behaviour.”